coming next on
the Drunken Report
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Cissy Houston, the Undisputed Queen of Gospel and Maternal Miracles, Dies at 91: Heaven Prepares for a Voice Battle Royale In a stunning turn of events that the celestial choir is still processing, the legendary Cissy Houston has left the… more ›
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In a shocking turn of events today, the Justice League announced they are officially on strike. The reason? A global baby oil shortage caused by none other than P Diddy. Yes, the iconic rap mogul has been stockpiling gallons upon… more ›
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Gather ‘round, everyone, for the latest nighttime innovation. That’s right, folks, it’s time to meet the new sleep craze—mouth tape! Yes, tape for your mouth that you wear while you sleep. It’s meant to improve your breathing, stop snoring, and… more ›
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Breaking news hit the headlines like a bad remix of a 90s club banger: P. Diddy—hip-hop legend, business tycoon, and unofficial king of the party scene—has been arrested. But wait—before you start blaming it on the usual celebrity fall from… more ›
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Now, before you slam your phone down, grab your tinfoil hat, and rage-tweet about this, hear me out. The answer to why Donald Trump is better suited than Kamala Harris to be the next president is hidden deep in a… more ›
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The FDA’s approval of FluMist nasal spray for at-home flu vaccinations may sound like a convenient solution, but is it really just that? Many are starting to question if there’s more to this nasal spray than meets the eye, sparking… more ›
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Amazon’s recent mandate (more like Amazon office conspiracy) requiring its corporate employees to return to the office five days a week is stirring up a lot of buzz. CEO Andy Jassy claims it’s about improving collaboration and company culture, but… more ›
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Well, well, well. Here we go again, folks. You thought the whole “royalty” thing was about castles, crowns, and corgis? Think again. It’s time to dive into one of White House, Inc.’s most guarded secrets: the Queen of England is,… more ›
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Ah, nuclear threats—the classic flavor of global paranoia. The world’s ongoing conflicts are inching dangerously close to going nuclear. And who’s really fanning the flames here? You guessed it—our friends at Obsidian Horizon. That’s right, the shadowy overlords who thrive… more ›