Category: Breaking News

In a shocking turn of events today, the Justice League announced they are officially on strike. The reason? A global baby oil shortage caused by none other than P Diddy. Yes, the iconic rap mogul has been stockpiling gallons upon gallons of baby oil—likely for his next promotional stunt. Rumor has it that he plans…

Gather ‘round, everyone, for the latest nighttime innovation. That’s right, folks, it’s time to meet the new sleep craze—mouth tape! Yes, tape for your mouth that you wear while you sleep. It’s meant to improve your breathing, stop snoring, and turn you into the well-rested person you dream of being. The key to better sleep…

Breaking news hit the headlines like a bad remix of a 90s club banger: P. Diddy—hip-hop legend, business tycoon, and unofficial king of the party scene—has been arrested. But wait—before you start blaming it on the usual celebrity fall from grace, let’s dive a little deeper, folks. You see, it isn’t just a case of…

Now, before you slam your phone down, grab your tinfoil hat, and rage-tweet about this, hear me out. The answer to why Donald Trump is better suited than Kamala Harris to be the next president is hidden deep in a vault below The White House, Inc., where shadows and whispers reign supreme. A vault, by…

The FDA’s approval of FluMist nasal spray for at-home flu vaccinations may sound like a convenient solution, but is it really just that? Many are starting to question if there’s more to this nasal spray than meets the eye, sparking concerns about a possible FluMist nasal spray conspiracy. Is this just the beginning of a…

Amazon’s recent mandate (more like Amazon office conspiracy) requiring its corporate employees to return to the office five days a week is stirring up a lot of buzz. CEO Andy Jassy claims it’s about improving collaboration and company culture, but let’s not be fooled. This move isn’t just a corporate decision; it’s part of a…

Location: Obsidian Horizon HQ – Cafeteria, where no one dares to bring their lunch in anything other than a brown paper bag. Breaking News: Tupperware, the plastic food storage icon of suburban America, is preparing to file for bankruptcy. Bloomberg broke the story, but what they didn’t tell you is that this “bankruptcy” is just…

Oh, you’re gonna love this one. Some guy decided the subway wasn’t grimy enough and took it upon himself to create “art” using—you guessed it—duct tape. His masterpiece? A life-sized rat, meticulously taped to the side of a 6 train. Passengers were thrilled, calling it “the most accurate depiction of NYC life.” MTA staff, however,…

In today’s episode of “What Even Is This City Anymore,” a pair of pet ducks were casually walked through Times Square. Yes, ducks. Not dogs, not cats—ducks in tiny harnesses. They strutted around like they were about to drop their debut album, leaving tourists in a frenzy of photo ops and sheer confusion. Naturally, New…