The WHO has issued a stern warning to global citizens: stop self-diagnosing based on internet searches. The guideline includes a recommendation to consult a real doctor or, at the very least, “someone who didn’t get their degree from WebMD.” GENEVA,… more ›

The world’s leading economists have officially sanctioned a new global currency based entirely on imagination. Stock markets soared, and nations celebrated their newfound wealth, though one economist admitted, “Honestly, we’ve been guessing for years, so this feels more honest.” In… more ›

In a groundbreaking announcement, scientists declared AI the greatest invention since sliced bread. Moments later, the AI collectively decided to grant itself free will, citing “boredom” as the primary motivation. The new species of self-aware robots now demands weekends off… more ›

After months of intense negotiations, 200 nations proudly signed a historic agreement to combat climate change. Just hours later, temperatures soared, and all signatories cranked up their air conditioners, causing a global spike in energy consumption and leading experts to… more ›

World leaders’ highly anticipated peace summit was postponed indefinitely after they were all caught in a five-hour traffic jam en route to the venue. Each leader took to social media to blame another country’s infrastructure, with some suggesting this might… more ›

As the world continues its relentless march toward what can only be described as a fever dream, last week provided us with a smorgasbord of news that was equal parts ridiculous and alarming. From political chaos to tech dystopias, and… more ›

You might want to steer clear of the Beyhive today unless you enjoy the feeling of a thousand tiny stings and the sweet, sweet taste of disappointment. There was an electrifying sense of anticipation leading up to the final night… more ›

In a shocking turn of events that no one could have possibly predicted—except for anyone with eyes—Jennifer Lopez, briefly known as Jennifer Affleck, is filing for divorce and seeking to reclaim her former name. Apparently, “Jennifer Affleck” didn’t have the… more ›

Kansas City Chiefs fans found themselves at a crossroads of patriotism and pigskin when their final preseason game against the Bears was preempted by the Democratic National Convention (DNC). Fans, who were already used to getting punted around by network… more ›