coming next on
the Drunken Report
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SIERRA VISTA, Ariz. — In a masterclass of economic logic that would make a Monopoly board blush, former President Donald Trump declared Thursday that deporting millions of undocumented immigrants is not only a bargain but a patriotic duty. The rationale?… more ›
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In a development that has left many Russians gasping into their morning vodka, Moscow came under one of Ukraine’s largest drone attacks to date, proving once again that what happens in Ukraine doesn’t always stay in Ukraine. The attack, which… more ›
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In the latest episode of “As the Middle East Turns,” Israel and Hamas have found themselves in yet another ceasefire—because, apparently, even century-old conflicts need a breather every now and then. This ceasefire, brokered by none other than the United… more ›
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In a political landscape where every word is scrutinized like it’s part of a secret code, President Joe Biden has once again delivered a speech that left analysts, pundits, and perhaps even Biden himself, wondering, “What exactly did we just… more ›
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In the latest episode of the never-ending political reality show known as the 2024 presidential campaign, former President Donald Trump made a grand entrance in Michigan, a state that has seen more political drama than a season of House of Cards.… more ›
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In a scene that could have been lifted straight from a sitcom, Vice President Kamala Harris found herself in an unexpected showdown with America’s most formidable opponent: the grocery store. During a routine visit meant to highlight inflation’s impact on… more ›
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In the quiet town of Jackson, Mississippi, where excitement rarely strays beyond a solid tractor parade or a particularly crispy batch of fried chicken, an unusual event unfolded—one involving former President Donald Trump, an ear, and a whole lot of… more ›
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As we bid adieu to yet another week in the fever dream that is 2024, it’s time to reflect on the top stories that left us shaking our heads, rolling our eyes, and questioning whether reality itself is just one… more ›