World leaders’ highly anticipated peace summit was postponed indefinitely after they were all caught in a five-hour traffic jam en route to the venue. Each leader took to social media to blame another country’s infrastructure, with some suggesting this might be a prelude to World War III.
In what was supposed to be a historic moment for humanity, the highly anticipated Global Peace Summit was delayed indefinitely after world leaders found themselves gridlocked in an epic traffic jam en route to the venue. The summit, which was to be held in a neutral location—carefully chosen for its proximity to the world’s largest airport and best croissant shops—quickly turned into a diplomatic nightmare as motorcades from various nations collided in what experts are calling “the worst display of logistical planning since the Tower of Babel.”
Reports indicate that the traffic jam began when the convoy of the United States’ president, comprised of no less than 50 vehicles, accidentally merged into the wrong lane, causing a domino effect that trapped the motorcades of 192 other nations. What should have been a 10-minute drive became a five-hour ordeal that saw leaders stepping out of their bulletproof limousines to engage in an impromptu blame game on the highway.
“Frankly, we’re shocked by the incompetence of the hosting nation,” complained the French President while fanning himself with a stack of unratified peace treaties. “Their traffic management is worse than their wine.”
The British Prime Minister, standing next to a double-decker bus inexplicably included in his convoy, quipped, “We offered to bring our roundabouts, but nobody listened. Typical.”
Not to be outdone, the German Chancellor suggested that the entire traffic incident could have been avoided if only “everyone had adhered to a strict driving schedule and used environmentally friendly vehicles.” She then attempted to reroute the entire convoy using an app on her phone, only to be thwarted by a “no signal” error.
Meanwhile, the Russian President was seen personally trying to lift a limousine out of the way, all while muttering something about how this wouldn’t have happened if the roads were made out of good, solid Siberian ice.
The Chinese leader remained mostly silent during the ordeal but was later seen handing out maps of new “express lanes” built overnight by a crew that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere. When asked about it, he simply smiled and said, “We like to get things done.”
As tempers flared and egos clashed, the United Nations Secretary-General attempted to restore order by suggesting that all leaders meditate on the principles of patience and cooperation. This was promptly ignored as a shouting match erupted between the Indian Prime Minister, who advocated for a quick solution using sacred cows to clear the road, and the Australian Prime Minister, who proposed just bulldozing through the mess with a fleet of kangaroos.
With tensions at an all-time high, some leaders reportedly attempted to draft a new peace agreement right there on the highway, only to find that their pens had run out of ink and the paper was soggy from spilled mineral water. The summit was officially postponed after the Swiss delegation, known for their punctuality, announced that they were “very disappointed” and would be leaving if this wasn’t resolved by noon.
In a post-jam press conference, the UN Secretary-General expressed hope that the summit could still be salvaged, possibly via a Zoom call or a round of WhatsApp voice messages. “We are confident that peace can be achieved,” he said, “as soon as everyone agrees on whose fault this all was.”
For now, the world will have to wait a little longer for peace, as the leaders have returned to their respective countries to review their urban planning policies. In a final twist, several nations are now considering relocating their capitals to avoid future embarrassments, with Antarctica emerging as the top contender for its “utter lack of traffic.”
And so, while the world holds its breath for the next attempt at global unity, one thing is clear: the road to peace is, quite literally, full of potholes.
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