BREAKING NEWS: SpaceX has launched its 7,000th Starlink satellite. Yes, you read that right. While we’re down here fighting for Wi-Fi signals from our local coffee shop, Elon Musk is busy transforming the night sky into his own personal space highway of internet satellites.

What Is Starlink?

Starlink is SpaceX’s internet service project. It uses satellites to deliver internet to even the most remote places on Earth. The goal is to provide fast internet anywhere, even in the middle of nowhere. Yes, now you can scroll through Instagram while hiking in the wilderness or post TikToks from the Arctic.

Learn more about Starlink on SpaceX’s official website.

7,000 Satellites: How Crowded Is Space?

Let’s put 7,000 satellites into perspective. That’s enough to make Earth’s orbit more crowded than your Wi-Fi router after a holiday party. Remember when we used to look up and admire the stars? Well, now you can look up and spot Starlink satellites twinkling away.

Astronomers are already planning protests. They’re upset about how difficult it’s becoming to photograph a clear night sky. It seems like Musk’s satellites are photobombing everything.

The Benefits of Starlink

Musk would like to remind you that this isn’t just for his amusement. Starlink’s mission is to provide internet to places where traditional internet is weak or unavailable. It’s for the greater good, or so he claims. Imagine sending emails from the Sahara or attending Zoom meetings from the Himalayas. Yes, the dream of being fully connected is now a reality—whether you like it or not.

Is Starlink Really That Fast?

Well, it’s getting better. Starlink promises to bring high-speed internet to rural areas. Yet, for some users, it’s still a bit like upgrading from a snail to a tortoise. Starlink costs around $120 a month, which sounds steep unless you’re on a deserted island. For the rest of us, it’s better to stick with the old-fashioned cable for now.

Are We Stuck in Elon Musk’s Web?

The idea of global internet access sounds great, but there’s a catch. Starlink satellites are everywhere. Soon, no matter where you go, you’ll be linked to Musk’s tech universe. And that’s a lot of power in one man’s hands.

What’s Next for Starlink?

This is just the beginning. Elon Musk plans to launch tens of thousands more satellites in the coming years. With that kind of tech in orbit, you might think you’d be safe during an apocalypse—especially a zombie one.

But if you’re planning to survive a zombie apocalypse, relying on celebrity Twitter advice might be as disastrous as counting on Starlink to save you from the undead.Check out our guide to surviving a zombie apocalypse using only celebrity Twitter advice for some expert-level chaos.

Are We Nearing Peak Starlink?

Considering the pace of launches, how long until Earth’s orbit gets too crowded? Will we have satellite traffic jams up there? Only time will tell. Until then, stargazing may become a relic of the past, and you’ll tell your grandkids about the days when the sky was just full of stars.