In a move that perfectly captures the state’s renowned ability to blend disaster with flair, California has officially declared September as “Climate Apocalypse Month.” The announcement came during a press conference where Governor Gavin Newsom, flanked by palm trees visibly wilting under the heat, urged residents to “embrace the chaos” and “celebrate the end of days, California-style.”

The decision follows the release of a state report predicting that, due to a convergence of climate change effects, California will likely experience wildfires, earthquakes, floods, and a possible sharknado all in the span of 30 days. “We figured if we’re going to face Armageddon, we might as well make it a party,” Newsom stated while donning sunglasses and a Hawaiian shirt, ready to attend what he dubbed “the last hurrah.”

To commemorate the occasion, the state has planned a series of apocalyptic-themed events. These include a “Fire and Brimstone BBQ” where residents can grill their food on naturally occurring wildfires, a “Flood Fest” that encourages people to build and race their own makeshift arks down the streets of San Francisco, and a “Shakey Shindig” where participants must dance their way through simulated earthquake tremors. There’s even talk of resurrecting the 1980s disaster movie trend with nightly outdoor screenings of films like “Twister” and “The Day After Tomorrow” projected against a backdrop of real-time calamity.

In a nod to the state’s entrepreneurial spirit, local businesses are already cashing in on the impending doom. Pop-up shops are selling “Survivor Chic” fashion lines, featuring flame-resistant evening wear and waterproof cocktail dresses. Meanwhile, the tech sector has launched a series of apps designed to help residents navigate the month’s chaos, including one that tracks the fastest routes to the nearest evacuation centers and another that calculates the odds of survival based on the day’s combination of disasters.

Critics, however, have raised concerns about the message this celebration sends. Environmentalists argue that turning impending climate disasters into a festival trivializes the very real dangers posed by global warming. “This isn’t Burning Man, it’s burning land,” one activist remarked, holding a sign that read, “The Earth is not your party favor.”

But Governor Newsom defended the initiative, explaining that it’s intended to both raise awareness and boost morale in what are undeniably dark times. “If we’re going down, we’re doing it with style, panache, and a sense of community,” he proclaimed. “And let’s be honest, who doesn’t love a good party—even if it’s the last one?”

The month will conclude with a “Finale Fiesta,” where residents are encouraged to “go out with a bang,” featuring synchronized firework displays and a state-wide toast to “making it this far.” The official state motto for September has even been temporarily changed to, “If you can’t beat Mother Nature, at least dance while she burns.”

As preparations kick into high gear, Californians seem ready to meet the apocalypse with their signature blend of resilience, creativity, and a healthy dose of absurdity. After all, in a state where the unimaginable is just another Tuesday, a Climate Apocalypse Month feels like the natural next step.