In an awe-inspiring demonstration of dedication to oppression, Hong Kong has once again proven that no spark of freedom will be left unextinguished on its shores. The city, once known for its vibrant press and pro-democracy movements, is now striving for an accolade no one asked for: the World’s Least Free City. And boy, is it doing a bang-up job!

The latest victims in this noble pursuit are two editors from Stand News, a publication that made the critical error of believing that “freedom of speech” was still a thing. In a shocking twist that surprised absolutely no one, a Hong Kong court convicted them of sedition—a charge that’s as vague as it is terrifyingly effective. The judges, likely on the shortlist for “Best Impersonation of a 1984 Character,” handed down the ruling with the kind of stern efficiency that only comes from years of practice in quashing dissent.

Stand News, which once dared to publish stories that didn’t align with the official narrative, was one of the last beacons of hope for the city’s beleaguered pro-democracy supporters. But hope, like an unauthorized gathering, was swiftly and decisively dealt with. After all, why let citizens think for themselves when you can just tell them what to think?

The international community, meanwhile, is watching all of this unfold with the kind of passive disapproval usually reserved for a toddler misbehaving in a supermarket. Governments around the world have issued strongly worded statements that can be summed up as, “Tsk, tsk, Hong Kong, you naughty thing!” before promptly moving on to matters of greater importance—like debating the ethical implications of TikTok filters.

Local officials, however, are thrilled with the progress. “We’re setting new records in repression every day,” said one unnamed government source while glancing nervously over their shoulder. “Our goal is to ensure that by the end of this decade, the mere mention of ‘freedom’ will result in spontaneous combustion. And we’re well on our way!”

As Hong Kong continues its journey toward a future where thought is not just controlled but entirely unnecessary, one can’t help but marvel at the city’s efficiency. After all, it’s not easy to erase decades of freedom in just a few short years. But if anyone can do it, it’s Hong Kong—once the jewel of Asia, now the crown of censorship.

And as for those pesky pro-democracy activists? Well, they can always find comfort in knowing that they’ll be remembered…as cautionary tales for future generations of citizens who are smart enough to keep their opinions to themselves.