(and Maybe Get a Grammy Mention in the Process)

Let’s face it, getting Kanye West to apologize is like trying to find a humble influencer—possible, but rare. Kanye, known for his controversial statements, interruptions, and general “Ye-ness,” isn’t exactly famous for admitting when he’s wrong. But don’t worry, with a little finesse (and maybe a minor miracle), you too can have a sort of Kanye apology in three ridiculously easy steps.

Disclaimer: By “apologize,” we mean kind of acknowledge that you were offended. Kanye doesn’t do “sorry” like the rest of us mere mortals.

Step 1: Become Kanye’s Muse (For at Least 24 Hours)

The first step to getting an apology from Kanye West is to become his temporary obsession. Yes, you need to channel your inner Kim Kardashian or Virgil Abloh and create a vibe so intense that Kanye simply can’t resist associating with you. But we’re not talking casual dinner plans here—you need to either:

• Launch a fashion line that Kanye can copy and claim as “inspired by his own soul.”
• Post an Instagram photo with abstract lighting that makes Kanye question the meaning of art.
• Start a Twitter beef with Drake (this guarantees Kanye will notice you—dude lives for that drama).

Once you’ve captured his attention, Kanye will naturally say or do something totally out of pocket, maybe while mid-rant about how Beethoven totally copied his sound. This is where things get interesting.

Step 2: Publicly Challenge His Genius (While Complimenting Him, Obviously)

Now that you’re on his radar, it’s time for step two—dare to challenge the Ye. But, here’s the kicker: challenge him while also inflating his already Mt. Everest-sized ego. Kanye doesn’t apologize to people who directly attack him. No, he apologizes to those who show just enough deference to make him feel like they’re acknowledging his genius. Here’s a script to try out on Twitter, where he definitely lurks:

“@KanyeWest is a visionary like no other, but I don’t quite understand how yelling at Sway on air was a masterstroke of marketing genius. Can someone enlighten me?”

It’s respectful, yet subtly critical. Kanye will respond to this because, after all, his genius must be explained. He’ll likely jump on Twitter, starting with, “I’m misunderstood,” and working his way to, “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone, BUT…”

This, dear reader, is your apology nugget.

Step 3: Stage a Redemption Arc (Featuring You, Of Course)

So, Kanye has acknowledged your existence and sort of, kind of, nearly apologized. Now it’s time to elevate things. You need to give Kanye a chance to showcase his redemption arc—and naturally, you’ll play a starring role. Here’s the twist: the redemption arc doesn’t have to be real, but it does have to be flashy. The more public, the better.

Options include:

• Tweeting an invite for Kanye to collaborate on a new track (you can produce zero music, this doesn’t matter).
• Posting an open letter inviting Kanye to speak at a panel on “Artistic Genius in the Digital Age” (he’ll ignore the invite but the attempt will touch his PR team).
• Creating a viral hashtag that’s both inspirational and vague like #ForgiveAndYeShallReceive. Kanye loves when people play with his name in biblical tones—it strokes that God complex he’s been cultivating for years.

Once you’re publicly linked with his growth narrative, Kanye will either:

• Write a song about how you misunderstood his soul, or
• Publicly mention how he’s grown as a person because of your call-out (he won’t tag you, but we’ll take what we can get).

Congratulations, at this point, you’ve achieved the Kanye West apology trifecta: recognition, ego-stroking, and a vague public admittance of maybe being wrong. Is it a real apology? No, but Kanye doesn’t really do “real.” You’ve officially entered the world of Kanye semi-apologies, where everything is abstract, confusing, and wrapped in at least three layers of narcissism.

Bonus: The Kanye Oops, I Did It Again Clause

The truth is, Kanye’s apologies are like reruns of a bad reality show: predictable, formulaic, and slightly addictive. So, after following these steps, don’t be shocked if Kanye retracts his semi-apology next week and blames it on the “media conspiracy” or “artistic oppression.” In fact, expect it.

But hey, if Kanye’s PR stunt apology gets you a few thousand Twitter followers or maybe even a Grammy nomination mention during his next righteous rant, wasn’t it all worth it?