In a shocking turn of events today, the Justice League announced they are officially on strike. The reason? A global baby oil shortage caused by none other than P Diddy. Yes, the iconic rap mogul has been stockpiling gallons upon gallons of baby oil—likely for his next promotional stunt. Rumor has it that he plans to slip and slide across the Great Wall of China. The details are still murky, but sources say it’s an “inspiration meets perspiration” event.

The Struggle is Real

For the Justice League, this shortage has caused absolute chaos. Baby oil, you see, is the key to squeezing into their famous superhero suits. Contrary to popular belief, these suits are not made of hyper-flexible Kryptonian spandex. They’re made of something far more stubborn: designer latex with zero forgiveness. Without the baby oil, putting on these suits is like trying to fit a pickle back into a jar after it’s already been bitten in half.

Batman’s Emergency Press Conference

This morning, Batman held an emergency press conference outside the Hall of Justice. He wore nothing but a black satin bathrobe, which only highlighted his predicament.

“Until we have sufficient baby oil, the Bat-suit is out of commission,” he growled, glaring directly into the camera. “Gotham’s criminals are safe tonight. And they better thank Diddy for that.”

Superman stood beside him, visibly uncomfortable. He had resorted to wearing a pair of track pants and a Superman t-shirt—a rather unheroic outfit for a man who claims to be faster than a speeding bullet.

“I tried Vaseline,” Superman admitted, shuffling his feet. “It’s just not the same. My skin was chafing, and then Lois said I smelled like her grandma’s nightstand. It’s humiliating.”

Heroes in Distress

The rest of the Justice League shared their grievances as well. Wonder Woman lamented that her lasso of truth “was not designed to wrestle latex.” The Flash complained that his friction-proof suit became significantly less “friction-proof” without that smooth baby oil application.

“I can’t save people with third-degree chafe burns!” he exclaimed, hopping from foot to foot as if still in a race.

Aquaman was perhaps the most outspoken. “I never needed baby oil. The ocean is my natural lubricant,” he declared proudly. But he added, “Solidarity matters. The land heroes struggle, and so do I.”

P Diddy’s Slick Response

P Diddy, for his part, took to social media. He posted an elaborate, shirtless video from the hot tub of a yacht called #DiddySlick. There, he explained that he “needed all that oil to keep the groove going.” He gestured to the massive pile of unopened baby oil containers behind him and declared, “It’s for a vision—a vision y’all just can’t understand yet.”

As tensions rose, citizens of the world responded. Internet forums ignited with hashtags like #FreeTheBabyOil and #JusticeForJusticeLeague. Black market baby oil prices skyrocketed, and shady deals reportedly went down in alleyways. People were offering bootleg “essential oils” as substitutes. A Reddit thread titled “DIY Baby Oil Recipes to Save the League” went viral. Unfortunately, it mostly led to strange-smelling concoctions that had nothing to do with smooth latex application. In some cases, it even led to accidentally summoning raccoons.

Batman’s Ultimatum

Batman, though usually an island unto himself, issued an ultimatum. “Until our demands are met, the Justice League is closed for business. We stand in unity, un-lubricated but not unbroken.”

And so the world watches. Crime spikes across major cities. Meanwhile, P Diddy continues to gleam under the sun like a man who has hoarded all the joy and oil of the earth.

Will there be a resolution? Will P Diddy have a change of heart or simply run out of storage space?

Until then, the Justice League remains grounded—heroes without their shine, and latex suits that, for the time being, must remain unzipped.