Because if there’s one thing this city needed, it’s a purple mascot declaring financial independence while hogging the spotlight from confused stockbrokers.

So, a guy dressed as a Teletubby—I’m talking full-on, purple Tinky Winky—decides to spend his Monday morning trying to ride the bull on Wall Street. And I don’t mean metaphorically. Nope, this hero had a legit saddle with him, tried to mount the statue, and shouted, “I’m taking back the economy, baby!”

Naturally, the NYPD got involved, but here’s the kicker: he managed to stay on that bronze beast for a solid seven minutes before they dragged him off. Seven. Whole. Minutes. I’ve seen career stockbrokers not last that long on Wall Street. The guy screamed about “freeing the markets” as they cuffed him, then demanded a hot dog from a nearby vendor like it was all part of the plan. The best part? A pretzel vendor from Sigmund’s Pretzels was the only one who stepped in to defend him, claiming it was “performance art” and the city needed more of it. Honestly, kind of hard to disagree.

But hey, that’s a regular Monday for us, right? One minute you’re sipping overpriced cold brew, the next you’re witnessing the downfall of the Tinky Winky Financial Rebellion. Just another day in the city where the bull isn’t the only thing that’s full of it.

And that’s the way the cake crumbles, folks.